Lord of the Flies

Don't ask me how this got started, it just happened over this weekend when my flat had become infested with flies. Bloody Flies !!! My flatmate had used some Aeroguard since we didn't have any flyspray to blast them to kingdom come.

I didn't bother to count how many had conveniently lay themselves in the empty bath tub to die, with their trademark leg twitching while dying on their backs. I don't need to remind you, my dear reader, what an abomination this was. Soon the bathroom had resembled some kind of battle ground with flies littered around the window pane and bath tub. With the occasional smart arse buzzing around taunting my failure to kill them off.

Satisfied that I had dispatched the remaining infidels in the bathroom, I made my way into the lounge room and took one look at the north facing window to discover that they had called for reinforcements!!

Fuuuuucccckkk!!

More drastic action was required, since I was not in possession of any weapons of mass destruction I reached for the next best thing. The trusty vacuum cleaner!!

This is officially a war now, first the bathroom, which was bad enough but the invasion of the lounge room was crossing the line. Let's engage in a little game of tit-for-tat shall we. Now that my secret weapon is fully charged, I'd never thought I'd live to see the day that howling sound of a vacuum cleaner would be music to my ears!!

The enemy must have some kind of telepathic ability, a scout must have realised my true intentions in using the vacuum cleaner. For they had started to scurry in all directions and some of the truly dumb ones had panicked thinking they could escape through the window.
It was too easy, these ones were giving up without a fight. Still they didn't surrender either and I had no intention of taking any prisoners.

Once the dumb ones were safely tucked away inside the vacuum cleaner bag, I resumed the hunt turning left, right, up and down in attempt to follow the source of the taunts. I realised that there were too many hiding places and it would be a waste of time checking each one when I had no grenades to flush them out.

I went back to the bathroom to mop up the dead bodies there, sure enough some had indeed made their way back into the bathroom from the lounge room. Probably looking for survivors to administer first aid to... whatever... how sweet it was to catch them by surprise and it was an appropriate time to let out an evil, diabolical laugh.

Rejuvenated by the latest round of victories in the bathroom, I hungered for more and went back into the lounge room. First stop was the kitchen, to the north was a sliding window with a fly screen behind the glass. Lo and behold, the enemy was there regrouping, planning their next stage of attack.

"Kitchen.... clear!!"

Now that the command post had been wiped out, there was little left to do except catch a few survivors around the lounge room. I was confident that the enemy had been eradicated, until I saw two usurpers sitting on the TV & DVD remote mooning me in defiance.

It doesn't matter any more, the problem is now managable under my control, albiet a few insurgents intent on derailling my new regime.