Some comic relief

While I was surfing the net for info about mobile phones and how to appeal against a parking fine, I came across this site that has some comic strips. One of my favourites is shown below, I like the author's sense of humour.

The only thing interesting to report is that I'm starting Uni again this week and I'm looking forward to learning new stuff.

For now.. enjoy the comic strips.



Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Those ****ing ads in my comments

It would appear that some ads have crept into the comments section of my latest post, some weirdo named scott something had decided to see fit to foul up my blog without my permission. They have now been removed and subsequently I've added a link to a site that will set you straight about the truth on "Network Marketing" etc etc.. and another with a link to some info about scams in various forms.

Those people who are part of those cults are nothing more than confidence tricksters, in fact they don't even show you the basics of business. Anyway, most of these schemes are illegal in Australia anyway... however some do slip through the cracks and unleash themselves on the unsuspecting public.

One thing that troubles me is the ethics & morals and the relationship cost of running such a scam. It is a VERY easy way of losing your friends and family. One of the things they would do is get you throw a sales pitch at people you know in an attempt to hook them into this scheme. This kind of thing makes me very uncomfortable, contacting friends and long lost acquaintances under false pretence for the purpose of selling something or getting them to join the cult.

I'm not speaking from experience as I've never been involved in these schemes, however after Googling for info about these scams and cults it does make sobering reading.

The adventures of getting slick broadband

Folks, you may or may not be aware that over the weekend I had helped my friend Tony to upgrade his internet access from the ancient, obsolete 56K dialup (yes dialup... shudder) to the newer slick ADSL broadband.

The morning had started out well, the sun was shining and it was warm, which made the drive to his house rather pleasant. However nothing in my entire life had prepared me for what transpired on that day.

I drove into his driveway, locked the car and rang his doorbell. Shit silly me ringing the bloody doorbell to rouse a deaf man from his slumber is really a stupid idea. So I had to bang, rattle the door and whine in a pathetic manner until Tony finally opened the door to let me in. There he was, the famous Tony in full glory, I tried not to notice him scratching his arse out of politeness and he ushered me into his inner sanctum, the study.

After Tony had explained what he wanted me to help him out with, he had purchased some hardware to get the whole thing setup. A wireless access point, router and adsl modem rolled into a single box. Ideally he wanted to use the wireless network on his laptop so he could use the internet/work and watch TV at the same time, and his desktop would be hooked up to the router. Oh I almost forgot, he had also purchased a webcam (I wonder what for, posting naked pictures of himself on the internet maybe ??) He later explained that he was inspired by JG Jones' vlogs and wanted to post a few of his own on the net.

After a few mishaps with the setup of the wireless router, the broadband setup went smoothly, I couldn't fucken believe it. Nothing is meant to go that smoothly, you see in the IT industry you always expect the worse to happen and the worse fucken time. Believe me it's like one of those little "laws" that never get written down because everyone knows about it, such as "You spend all day waiting for a bus, and three of them turn up at the same time." or "All banks can legally screw their customers".. that type of thing. No sooner than we had experience bliss at the ease of setting up the broadband internet, the wireless router station was fucking up. Like I said, shit happens at the worse possible time just to make it bloody inconvenient as possible too. I felt like throwing the fucking wireless router out the window, but since the adsl modem was inside it I couldn't do it.

However Tony was over the moon about the download speeds he was getting while surfing the net, he was positively drooling at the prospect of downloading shit loads of porn. His exact words were "My dick will be alot longer by the end of the week". As to how will he achieve that is best left to your imagination. My response ?? It was the appropriate time to let him know about the sex fairy.

Remember when we were kids we had all kinds of mythical creatures to believe in. The Easter bunny, tooth fairy, Santa Claus etc.. and when we had learnt the truth (that they don't exist), the magic had evaporated ? Well in this day and age, we adults need something else to believe in to keep that magic alive, the sex fairy.
Just leave a condom (an un-used one mind you) under your pillow and leave a bottle of wet stuff on the side of your bed for the sex fairy. Hopefully in the next few days you might get lucky.

Well Tony was slightly amused about the sex fairy and I seem to recall a glimmer of hope in his eyes. I could be wrong you know.
(I cant remember the EXACT sequence of events), somehow we started accusing eachother of being senile. Well short of helping him going to the toilet, I had to hold his hand showing him how to setup the wireless router, setup the webcam before he could do it himself.

Anyway I had a great time at this new restaurant Tony took me to for lunch, great food and it was great to yak the afternoon away. Tony is a great friend and it is always a pleasure to visit him as I look forward to his stories.

Stay tuned to Tony's blog as I had made a short video of me introducing myself he might post it sometime in the future.

bye for now..

Disclaimer: All events reported in this post has been dramatised for the purpose of making the post interesting as possible, some people may find the contents of this post offensive.

Parking ??? WTF

Toe-knee, to tell you the truth, like a good christian I am, I was totally shocked to learn that phrase. Parking!!
There are much nicer things to talk about than idolising Mr Sheen !! Really, I better go and tell dear Sister Taffy Crockett, to see what she has to say....

Better yet, I might ask Father Bob on Speaking in Tongues !! I reckon John would love this bit.

btw thx for the blog firefox extension tip... I've actually created this blog entry with that tool, it's Fucken Brilliant.

Nice Guys....

If you read the comments from my post about Crime and Punishment, Tony had advised me not to pay attention to the moral & ethical teachings from Catholic School. Well mate, it's a bit late now!!
I wish I had you around at the time telling me "Slakbarsted, don't pay attention to that bloody sister at School. Here have $20 for you to go down to the local TAB and bet on the greyhounds. Don't forget to give me 50% of any profits"

I can assure you that due to my hearing loss I had the perfect excuse for not paying attention to those lessons in School. In fact I consider myself lucky in having to avoid morning prayers, to tell you the truth most of my classmates envied me in missing out those prayers.
:D

However it was difficult if not impossible, not to turn out as a nice guy as a result of this type of Schooling. I did come out of School as a nice guy, destined to wander in the wilderness of no sex land. I had a warped sense of mascuilinity and of course had no idea on how to get a root.
Fortunately, after discovering that "No more Mr Nice Guy" website (see the links section), I can set myself on the right path.

I hope that will answer your question Tony... btw that pic of me on your blog is higly overrated, it's missing a third nipple, bigger belly and fyi, my legs are shaved.

Crime and Punishment

My dear readers, I would like to share a good book with you although I've not finished the book yet. (It's only 656 pages long, a little light reading for those lazy summer days :P)

It's called "Crime and Punishment" by Fyodor Dostoyevsky (No I can't read a bloody word of Russian, the book has been translated into English)

When the main character kills two women, one premeditated and one in the heat of the moment, totally unplanned. I'm barely a quarter a way through the book and he is already battling his conscience.

But it got me thinking whether or not there is such a thing named "conscience" or is it a socially learnt behaviour ? When I was at Catholic school I was taught that stealing is wrong and that I would expected to be caught, NO MATTER WHAT.
So I decided to test this little theory out by stealing a pen from one of those cheapie $2 shops when I was 10. As I tucked that pen in my pocket, sure enough, those voices had started to drive me nuts.

"What the fuck are you doing ? Don't you know that you will be caught, remember what the sister said at School. Oh shit, you might as well as go to hell now you sinner !!!!"

At the same time I was desperately trying to calm myself down.

"Be cool, don't do anything out of the ordinary, just walk outside the shop and wait for mum"

Despite that schizophrenic threatening episode, my heart was thumping like a turbo charged WRX and my eyes were wide like an owl on the lookout for the security guard waiting to pounce on me to accuse me of theft. I just followed my mother outside the shop as she didn't buy anything.

Fuck me!!

It wasn't until I realised I had got away with it and the threat of being caught had eased that my thoughts were finally brought under my control.

Interesting !!


I wonder if the whole episode had been played out differently if I hadn't been taught that stealing is wrong and the possible consequences of committing it. Hmmmmmm... this train of thought can keep me going for a little while..

In the mean time.. please feel free to discuss this...

Lord of the Flies

Don't ask me how this got started, it just happened over this weekend when my flat had become infested with flies. Bloody Flies !!! My flatmate had used some Aeroguard since we didn't have any flyspray to blast them to kingdom come.

I didn't bother to count how many had conveniently lay themselves in the empty bath tub to die, with their trademark leg twitching while dying on their backs. I don't need to remind you, my dear reader, what an abomination this was. Soon the bathroom had resembled some kind of battle ground with flies littered around the window pane and bath tub. With the occasional smart arse buzzing around taunting my failure to kill them off.

Satisfied that I had dispatched the remaining infidels in the bathroom, I made my way into the lounge room and took one look at the north facing window to discover that they had called for reinforcements!!

Fuuuuucccckkk!!

More drastic action was required, since I was not in possession of any weapons of mass destruction I reached for the next best thing. The trusty vacuum cleaner!!

This is officially a war now, first the bathroom, which was bad enough but the invasion of the lounge room was crossing the line. Let's engage in a little game of tit-for-tat shall we. Now that my secret weapon is fully charged, I'd never thought I'd live to see the day that howling sound of a vacuum cleaner would be music to my ears!!

The enemy must have some kind of telepathic ability, a scout must have realised my true intentions in using the vacuum cleaner. For they had started to scurry in all directions and some of the truly dumb ones had panicked thinking they could escape through the window.
It was too easy, these ones were giving up without a fight. Still they didn't surrender either and I had no intention of taking any prisoners.

Once the dumb ones were safely tucked away inside the vacuum cleaner bag, I resumed the hunt turning left, right, up and down in attempt to follow the source of the taunts. I realised that there were too many hiding places and it would be a waste of time checking each one when I had no grenades to flush them out.

I went back to the bathroom to mop up the dead bodies there, sure enough some had indeed made their way back into the bathroom from the lounge room. Probably looking for survivors to administer first aid to... whatever... how sweet it was to catch them by surprise and it was an appropriate time to let out an evil, diabolical laugh.

Rejuvenated by the latest round of victories in the bathroom, I hungered for more and went back into the lounge room. First stop was the kitchen, to the north was a sliding window with a fly screen behind the glass. Lo and behold, the enemy was there regrouping, planning their next stage of attack.

"Kitchen.... clear!!"

Now that the command post had been wiped out, there was little left to do except catch a few survivors around the lounge room. I was confident that the enemy had been eradicated, until I saw two usurpers sitting on the TV & DVD remote mooning me in defiance.

It doesn't matter any more, the problem is now managable under my control, albiet a few insurgents intent on derailling my new regime.

Testing Testing Testing.. hello is this thing on ?? Ahh.. yep can read you loud and clear now that it's up on the blog!!